What am I doing to myself

After 2 days of feeling particularly shitty I have decided to give up alcohol for a month or so . Having gone to a friend's house and drank too much vodka( being ill) and got into the habit of a couple of glasses a night of red wine . I have come to the conclusion that this is not helping me at this time in my life
I am 36 now , it doesn't look like i'll be given the chance of having kids, but I am damaging myself with drinking. I would be disgusted by those girls who fall out of the pubs and collapse in the gutter puking. I am no better. I am supposed to be a role model to children .Hmm didn't look to good on Saturday night...
Having lived in a family where there was drug abuse and then severe alcoholism , you would think it would put me off...Again I'm not like that! I have no off button when I start. I have no early warning I drink as fast as it was pop, its like a race....I want to make sure I get my fair share.... I don't know why this is , that is something I will have to work out for myself I guess.I feel pretty down right now. I think my friends are probably fed up of me and my husband despairs. So really It would be sensible to stop poisoning myself for a while wouldn't it.