Aching all over

It doesn't hurt whilst I am cycling , but when i stop and rest ouch it hurts... so bad that I was unable to get off the sofa to make dinner. I went to bed at 8pm instead...
Feel a bit better today.
Off to Bicycle Basket Bazaar in a bit , need some food first though.
Feeling stranegly ok today did morning pages need to do check in stuff , apart from a nagging headache have done all the jobs on my list!

Good things about having no car

Can't just pop to the shops and spend lots of money
Might get fitter by having to cycle more
Can't stay too late at work
Can't take books home to mark
No insurance to pay or tax ... shame about the £600 i just paid on MOT though

Bad things
a bit tricky to get into work
Woverton station is a bit scary on your ow in the dark
Can't go up north or to dads when i want

damn car!

Not a good day yesterday and got a few worries today as well now.
Having had car MOT and picked up on Friday set off to Dads on Saturday morning....looking forward to seeing dad brother, Sister and my two nieces.
Just after Milton Keynes i noticed smoke or steam belching out of my car so i pulled onto the hard shoulder and called my breakdown company ( phew i am glad i have that)
The mechanic told me it looked like th gasket( great) so got towed home and the garage was shut so have had to leave it parked outside ready to drop a note around there with the keys.
My main worry is that it will be too expensive to have repaired, bearing in mind that I just had it MOT'd on Thursday and it cost me £600 , the tax is also due....I could really do without this ..
The only reason i got it done early was so that I wouldn't be inconvenienced in the week and now I have no car and it is parent's evening this week.... grrr
i feel pretty pissed off as have just checekd the bank account and will be going into overdraft already .. so repairs will have to go on the credit cards...
anyway i will stop winging now.... and write a meal plan and wonder how to get myself out of this mess again....
On an unusual aside my dad called me up as he saw my godfather on tv this morning. except that he is no longer a "he" is now transgender and working as a motivational speaker.... good for her I say.... Haven't seen him in years since i was a kid, and he was a man and he took me to see Return of the Jedi ... he was nice ... its a funny old world

clearing out my bank account

well its just money. had to pay for the MOT repairs today ... ouch
I also had my hair done , Its funny but there is always a moment just after the hairdresser has finished cutting it and it looks really good and i think yes someone has finally got it how i want it. then they blow dry it and make it look all smooth and puffed out. its still nice but it looks too shiny ha ha ...anyway i had to put my pink hat over the top as i left as it was bloody freezing when i left the hairdresser.
Now i have to decide if I am going to go to fishmarket to the exhibition opening . apparently Bill drummond is speaking and there will be some live music, however it will also be freezing , mike isn't home yet and I am not drinking so it would be first time out and saying no... does that scare me , not really , in fact i am quite keen to obeserve all the people drinking with my sober head on! I might cycle down there , only 5 mins down road....
yes tha's what I'll do ,
could go to labour club after and watch some bands..?
I actually have a really annoying headache that may be linked to the big cream cake I ate a few hours ago.... maybe ill just put some 4head on it and see what happens...

expensive day

So Today , well i didn't get a chance to do my morning pages first thing as I had to take car for its MOT . I also managed to put some of the rubbish out as it is bin day and I wanted to remove all the left over card fro the recylcing van .saves me driving it to the tip. although i will have to go there soon as have some other items i need to get rid of , including an old plastic xmas tree which can be sold on by them .
I walked into town from the garage down the Wellingborough road, it was quite strange, I don't think I have walked down there for a few years.Lots of closed down shops and businesses, but i bet it would be the same if i headed up the Westgate road or down King Street in South Shields.
So this is the Wellingborough road " Welly Road". It was only 9am when i was walking along so was pretty quiet unlike when i took driving lessons on a Saturday and we would spend most of the day trying to get down the road.




This was a funny little notice leading to a huge gap where a church was located. I have never noticed it before , i guess i just liked the big open space It's funny to walk along roads you think you know and you always find something that you didn't see before. Everything has it's own little story . I wonder who goes there? what is it like? so i googled it.
http://www.cupmnorthampton.org/ministries.html
crikey the prophecies bit is interesting , this guy gives his top prophecies for january
4. Credit crunch goes worse
5.Retirement of some service chiefs
there are also some frankly scary things on there.... ... how strange. It reminds me of a time when i got invloved with what were known as the "god squad" led by the englsih teacher at my school. we used to gather there on a friday night ...anyway i left when i got told off for putting the pixies on the stereo"this monkey's gone to heaven " i chose the music . It was a strange time and so easy to get involved with the weirdness , speaking in tongues , exorcism etc....
anyway , a sad little shop with just a weird branch hanging in the window . It just looked sad to me .









There was this tiny little graveyard behind a wall . I didn't know that was there either.at least there was some colour there.
but i liked the silhouette of this tree it looked like it had just touched a Van Der Graaf Generator.




Then my batteries started to run out so took a couple of the old hospital which is being demolished although is being taken over by pigeons at the moment. Anyway i got a call about the cost of the mot and it was quite a lot..... oh well just as well i spent no money in town!

through the shutters

Should really get to school. Need to do some clearing out. I will be leaving soon 6 weeks actually. Its going to be strange , but it's time to change.....
The view from my little room isn't exactly enthralling today > So i need to get out and see what's out there.
Started morning pages again yesterday and its helped a lot already feel clearer. I also reread chapter one of artist's way. I am not an artist , but I would like to think of myself as creative. Creativity can come in many forms there are many creative solutions to the most mundane of everyday problems .
I am feeling like i need to throw away a lot of stuff at the moment. spring cleaning i guess . I have a habit of holding onto stuff just in case, well i have over 5 years worth of teaching magazines and i don't think i have looked at them since they have been in the drawers so what is the use of that? Just blocking up space , remimding me of good ideas that were never used.....Not helpful then.I did throw out all my PGCE stuff yesterday that felt good, like admitting I don't need that little crutch. I never used it since i qualified !
Right I'd better get to Stony Stratford now , before I change my mind....gotta pick up some report cards as well , so i can write the reports before i leave ....
back soon

tidy cellar :tidy mind

i have just spent the best part of an hour in my cellar bagging up crap that has accumulated over the years. I have been quite ruthless and damn does it feel good.
Some freinds of mine recently found they had rot in the house and it came from the cellar they were forced to throw away a lot of stuff , some of it quite precious to them.
I would rather this doesn't happen to me so I made an effort to bag up stuff today which i can then send to the tip or freecycle etc...
Its amazing what is down there. all my notes from my PGCE ,( which i completed 6 years ago!)
crappy little trinkets and stuff which " might come in useful" hmm i don't think it did unless haveing extra stuff in the cellar helps with insulation. Anyway I am just having a tea break and then I will continue. My dream would be to completely gut it and have it properly tanked out and made into a room.... yes that would be nice....
It would be bigger than my current space where i have my yoga mat and meditation bits....
hmm i can dream can't I !

I did find some old film and negatives from when i lived in japan and letters from Mike.... I am going to put them somewhere proper in a box labelled . like memories should be ... i might get one of those negative converter thingys ...



Oh i spent an hour washing my car and my bike , worked really hard on them both ......
then it pissed down !
cheers for that weather!

What am I doing to myself

After 2 days of feeling particularly shitty I have decided to give up alcohol for a month or so . Having gone to a friend's house and drank too much vodka( being ill) and got into the habit of a couple of glasses a night of red wine . I have come to the conclusion that this is not helping me at this time in my life
I am 36 now , it doesn't look like i'll be given the chance of having kids, but I am damaging myself with drinking. I would be disgusted by those girls who fall out of the pubs and collapse in the gutter puking. I am no better. I am supposed to be a role model to children .Hmm didn't look to good on Saturday night...
Having lived in a family where there was drug abuse and then severe alcoholism , you would think it would put me off...Again I'm not like that! I have no off button when I start. I have no early warning I drink as fast as it was pop, its like a race....I want to make sure I get my fair share.... I don't know why this is , that is something I will have to work out for myself I guess.I feel pretty down right now. I think my friends are probably fed up of me and my husband despairs. So really It would be sensible to stop poisoning myself for a while wouldn't it.