writer's block

new experiences

2009-07-12T22:21:00.004+01:00

Yesterday I did a flashmob in the centre of Northampton.
I went on my won and didn't really talk to anyone whilst i was participating. We all had to do the thriller dance.
I am not a Michael Jackson fan.
I am not a dancer.
I am not an exhibitionist .
But I wanted to do it.
It was weird
Firstly there were loads of people there thanks to the story published in the local paper. I was quite excited as i thought that they were all going to take part as well. Turns out they weren't, just there to gawp and point mobile phones and to stop us from having any space in which to do our thing.
Lots of people who wanted to take part couldn't even get to the area where it was happening.
Not really a flashmob then.
But it was a strange experience, being part of something with people i didn't even know and having all these cameras and phones pointed at me...
I enjoyed it
Because it was a new experience
What can I do next?
here

not good at being ill

2009-06-09T22:59:00.002+01:00

I hate it in fact..
ive only got flu or something , but not being able to go to work, or do much except sleep is very boring..
i think i might be over the worst of it! another day off tomorrow... i hope im back by thursday...

procrastination is something i never get round to doing properly

2009-05-17T13:17:00.002+01:00

. I have phases. I use the internet too much.. just random searching and chatting..
I have lots of things to do.. who says so ...
me
i do have some work deadlines, but i always meet deadlines so I am not too worried.
Life has changed recently..
new job... feel displaced , one minute teaching a class , next minute labelling exam papers...
children are challenging. I removed a metal pole from a child who was going to hit another
on friday a boy shouted in my face...( im going to punch you!) ... he didn't .
I stood my ground
tried to stay calm
sometimes its hard when faced with a class of 30 kids who simultaneously all want your attention...but won't listen when you talk.
probably need a change of tactics from the last place i worked.
But i do love it

Next week we have hired a cottage in the forest of Dean .. just the two of us ( well maybe the cat too)
Looking forward to long walks in the countryside. quiet... birdsong. pub meals...
probably rain...

Its complicated

2009-03-08T20:08:00.002Z

unwanted?

2009-03-06T11:16:00.003Z

I feel strange today.
I don't have to go into school today becasue my replacement is teaching my class. So i should feel great. yay a day off , well not exactly. I am writing up reports ( well drafts) to help her out when i leave. The head has said to stay away so that she can have the class to herself rather than them running to me every five minutes. I am not due into my new school until March 30th and don't know whether to ring them and ask if I can pop in on any of the Fridays or just to concentrate on getting ready > i feel a bit unsure and scared about rining my new school, but don't know why?
Anyway I have to go to Slough a bit later to do stats marking training tomorrow .... oh joy...
I think I will just get the reports done as much as possible and then call the school about going in !
I don't even know who I am talkking to ha ha .... this is like my mind on the internet ,

too tired

2009-03-03T21:04:00.004Z

I am tooo Tired to write
zzzzz
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zzz
zzz
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baguette injury

2009-03-01T13:38:00.000Z

You know when you eat a fresh bagueete , but you eat so fast and it is so crusty and fresh that it takes the skin off the roof of your mouth .. ouch , but it was worth it

Aching all over

2009-02-28T12:23:00.003Z

It doesn't hurt whilst I am cycling , but when i stop and rest ouch it hurts... so bad that I was unable to get off the sofa to make dinner. I went to bed at 8pm instead...
Feel a bit better today.
Off to Bicycle Basket Bazaar in a bit , need some food first though.
Feeling stranegly ok today did morning pages need to do check in stuff , apart from a nagging headache have done all the jobs on my list!

Good things about having no car

2009-02-24T21:34:00.003Z

Can't just pop to the shops and spend lots of money
Might get fitter by having to cycle more
Can't stay too late at work
Can't take books home to mark
No insurance to pay or tax ... shame about the £600 i just paid on MOT though

Bad things
a bit tricky to get into work
Woverton station is a bit scary on your ow in the dark
Can't go up north or to dads when i want

damn car!

2009-02-22T14:18:00.005Z

Not a good day yesterday and got a few worries today as well now.
Having had car MOT and picked up on Friday set off to Dads on Saturday morning....looking forward to seeing dad brother, Sister and my two nieces.
Just after Milton Keynes i noticed smoke or steam belching out of my car so i pulled onto the hard shoulder and called my breakdown company ( phew i am glad i have that)
The mechanic told me it looked like th gasket( great) so got towed home and the garage was shut so have had to leave it parked outside ready to drop a note around there with the keys.
My main worry is that it will be too expensive to have repaired, bearing in mind that I just had it MOT'd on Thursday and it cost me £600 , the tax is also due....I could really do without this ..
The only reason i got it done early was so that I wouldn't be inconvenienced in the week and now I have no car and it is parent's evening this week.... grrr
i feel pretty pissed off as have just checekd the bank account and will be going into overdraft already .. so repairs will have to go on the credit cards...
anyway i will stop winging now.... and write a meal plan and wonder how to get myself out of this mess again....
On an unusual aside my dad called me up as he saw my godfather on tv this morning. except that he is no longer a "he" is now transgender and working as a motivational speaker.... good for her I say.... Haven't seen him in years since i was a kid, and he was a man and he took me to see Return of the Jedi ... he was nice ... its a funny old world

clearing out my bank account

2009-02-20T17:50:00.003Z

well its just money. had to pay for the MOT repairs today ... ouch
I also had my hair done , Its funny but there is always a moment just after the hairdresser has finished cutting it and it looks really good and i think yes someone has finally got it how i want it. then they blow dry it and make it look all smooth and puffed out. its still nice but it looks too shiny ha ha ...anyway i had to put my pink hat over the top as i left as it was bloody freezing when i left the hairdresser.
Now i have to decide if I am going to go to fishmarket to the exhibition opening . apparently Bill drummond is speaking and there will be some live music, however it will also be freezing , mike isn't home yet and I am not drinking so it would be first time out and saying no... does that scare me , not really , in fact i am quite keen to obeserve all the people drinking with my sober head on! I might cycle down there , only 5 mins down road....
yes tha's what I'll do ,
could go to labour club after and watch some bands..?
I actually have a really annoying headache that may be linked to the big cream cake I ate a few hours ago.... maybe ill just put some 4head on it and see what happens...

expensive day

2009-02-19T13:52:00.015Z

So Today , well i didn't get a chance to do my morning pages first thing as I had to take car for its MOT . I also managed to put some of the rubbish out as it is bin day and I wanted to remove all the left over card fro the recylcing van .saves me driving it to the tip. although i will have to go there soon as have some other items i need to get rid of , including an old plastic xmas tree which can be sold on by them .
I walked into town from the garage down the Wellingborough road, it was quite strange, I don't think I have walked down there for a few years.Lots of closed down shops and businesses, but i bet it would be the same if i headed up the Westgate road or down King Street in South Shields.
So this is the Wellingborough road " Welly Road". It was only 9am when i was walking along so was pretty quiet unlike when i took driving lessons on a Saturday and we would spend most of the day trying to get down the road.

This was a funny little notice leading to a huge gap where a church was located. I have never noticed it before , i guess i just liked the big open space It's funny to walk along roads you think you know and you always find something that you didn't see before. Everything has it's own little story . I wonder who goes there? what is it like? so i googled it.
http://www.cupmnorthampton.org/ministries.html
crikey the prophecies bit is interesting , this guy gives his top prophecies for january
4. Credit crunch goes worse
5.Retirement of some service chiefs
there are also some frankly scary things on there.... ... how strange. It reminds me of a time when i got invloved with what were known as the "god squad" led by the englsih teacher at my school. we used to gather there on a friday night ...anyway i left when i got told off for putting the pixies on the stereo"this monkey's gone to heaven " i chose the music . It was a strange time and so easy to get involved with the weirdness , speaking in tongues , exorcism etc....
anyway , a sad little shop with just a weird branch hanging in the window . It just looked sad to me .

There was this tiny little graveyard behind a wall . I didn't know that was there either.at least there was some colour there.
but i liked the silhouette of this tree it looked like it had just touched a Van Der Graaf Generator.

Then my batteries started to run out so took a couple of the old hospital which is being demolished although is being taken over by pigeons at the moment. Anyway i got a call about the cost of the mot and it was quite a lot..... oh well just as well i spent no money in town!

through the shutters

2009-02-18T09:49:00.003Z

Should really get to school. Need to do some clearing out. I will be leaving soon 6 weeks actually. Its going to be strange , but it's time to change.....
The view from my little room isn't exactly enthralling today > So i need to get out and see what's out there.
Started morning pages again yesterday and its helped a lot already feel clearer. I also reread chapter one of artist's way. I am not an artist , but I would like to think of myself as creative. Creativity can come in many forms there are many creative solutions to the most mundane of everyday problems .
I am feeling like i need to throw away a lot of stuff at the moment. spring cleaning i guess . I have a habit of holding onto stuff just in case, well i have over 5 years worth of teaching magazines and i don't think i have looked at them since they have been in the drawers so what is the use of that? Just blocking up space , remimding me of good ideas that were never used.....Not helpful then.I did throw out all my PGCE stuff yesterday that felt good, like admitting I don't need that little crutch. I never used it since i qualified !
Right I'd better get to Stony Stratford now , before I change my mind....gotta pick up some report cards as well , so i can write the reports before i leave ....
back soon

tidy cellar :tidy mind

2009-02-17T15:07:00.003Z

i have just spent the best part of an hour in my cellar bagging up crap that has accumulated over the years. I have been quite ruthless and damn does it feel good.
Some freinds of mine recently found they had rot in the house and it came from the cellar they were forced to throw away a lot of stuff , some of it quite precious to them.
I would rather this doesn't happen to me so I made an effort to bag up stuff today which i can then send to the tip or freecycle etc...
Its amazing what is down there. all my notes from my PGCE ,( which i completed 6 years ago!)
crappy little trinkets and stuff which " might come in useful" hmm i don't think it did unless haveing extra stuff in the cellar helps with insulation. Anyway I am just having a tea break and then I will continue. My dream would be to completely gut it and have it properly tanked out and made into a room.... yes that would be nice....
It would be bigger than my current space where i have my yoga mat and meditation bits....
hmm i can dream can't I !

I did find some old film and negatives from when i lived in japan and letters from Mike.... I am going to put them somewhere proper in a box labelled . like memories should be ... i might get one of those negative converter thingys ...

Oh i spent an hour washing my car and my bike , worked really hard on them both ......
then it pissed down !
cheers for that weather!

What am I doing to myself

2009-02-17T09:21:00.003Z

After 2 days of feeling particularly shitty I have decided to give up alcohol for a month or so . Having gone to a friend's house and drank too much vodka( being ill) and got into the habit of a couple of glasses a night of red wine . I have come to the conclusion that this is not helping me at this time in my life
I am 36 now , it doesn't look like i'll be given the chance of having kids, but I am damaging myself with drinking. I would be disgusted by those girls who fall out of the pubs and collapse in the gutter puking. I am no better. I am supposed to be a role model to children .Hmm didn't look to good on Saturday night...
Having lived in a family where there was drug abuse and then severe alcoholism , you would think it would put me off...Again I'm not like that! I have no off button when I start. I have no early warning I drink as fast as it was pop, its like a race....I want to make sure I get my fair share.... I don't know why this is , that is something I will have to work out for myself I guess.I feel pretty down right now. I think my friends are probably fed up of me and my husband despairs. So really It would be sensible to stop poisoning myself for a while wouldn't it.

thinking too hard

2008-12-10T22:19:00.001Z

I am thinking too hard.....
about a spin around the dancefloor
a nativity play on show within the week.
making sure everyone is visited and given a gift for xmas
bah humbug. bring on next week.... i need a break from thinking!

im too tired to write today

2008-12-08T20:13:00.002Z

Im Too tired to write anything today. My brain is fuzzy , i think I may have killed too many brain cells at Saturday's staff party. It was fun to jump around to the specials' too much too young with the school caretaker.... ha ha that cleared the dancefloor apart from us!
I have been very random and unprepared all day , I just want the end of term and the xmas hols to come...... now please!

being tipsy

2008-12-05T22:35:00.003Z

Its weird being a bit tipsy..... have been ill for a few days and probably shouldnt have had a drink , but. everything outside is noisier....
i shouldnt be allowed on the web when drunk as am prone to being too honest ha ha
... its our works xmas do tomorrow and staying at bursars house , she is a notherner too which is great.like having our own private language really ... have been really down last few days , probably because of being ill , although i also think it is fear of moving on ....
i didnt find it hard tp leave home or to leave england though .....
i guess i just have to face up to it....

2008-12-05T20:16:00.001Z

i feel better today . i slept for hours .i felt powerless when my voice was going. had a weird lump....its ok i am me again.... panic over, theres nothing to see here move along!

2008-12-01T22:28:00.001Z

Just spent the last hour or so using audacity to edit the kids mp3s of their myst writing. I was pretty impressed. I have layered it over the soundtrack and wioll play it to them tomorrow at some point. I also tried videoing them, ,but my rubbish camera let me down on the sound quality so will try again with the school camcorder...
That is all I have done tonight, but I feel it has been worthwhile...

the news from the Sun

2008-11-26T22:02:00.001Z

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i read the news today oh Boy!

2008-11-26T21:58:00.002Z

from the beeb

Bad day

2008-11-26T19:50:00.002Z

Today I got deja vu to last year... when i had a really hard time with my class. nothing wold work they wouldnt be quiet, fussing over everything, shouting out. My new class have been brilliant . I started the year with confidence again, full of enthusiasm and ideas.I have just had a new kid into the class, he is very confident and quite cocky and now my class are a nightmare.....
I am already starting to feel like I am not doing a good job , despite a really fun literacy lesson using myst....
Im just thining out loud, its not the kids fault, its the other boys vying for friendship and showing off. Its quite weird to watch how they have all just changed...
tomorrow i will be organised and lay down the law etc.....
I have gotten lazy, I think i can just wing it..... I can't
I need to get better not worse before i move on to my new school....pull yr socks up girl.....

back in the land of the living

2008-11-23T18:12:00.002Z

I hate being ill!
always feel so useless ,but on Thursday morning having tried to teach a stranegly succesful maths session on 24 hjour clock , my body started to protest and I was sent home..... very weird driving home in a kind of trance as i was so damn tired. I just managed to get in and then crawled to bed and stayed there.
On Friday I made it to the sofa. I watched lots of episodes of father ted, they cheered me up . I wondered how the kids at school were getting on, but strangely not so much the staff.
Saturday I ventured to the co op at the top of my street. It was too much for me and I lay back on my snug sofa for another 3 hours to recover.
Saturday night Mike ordered take away I didnt protest... the tofu was not good , but the chilli beef was lovely
Sunday stayed in bed until 11 . finished my book which I really enjoyed even though i worked out who dunnit before the end.
Feel much better now , throat not that sore anymore and I just have a normal bog standard cold.so back to school tomorrow and then off to my new school afterwards ....
I hate being ill Im behind on everything now.....oh well

Time

2008-11-19T17:21:00.003Z

just thinking what a tricky concept to teach....
time , so many ways of using it, wasting it, saying it , etc
i don;t really know how they got it ( the kids that is ) but looking at their work most of them did . tomorrow we tackle 24 hour clock... someone said to me you can't do that unless they can tell all times on an analogue clock... why would that be? surely you need to know all times. I dont think that there is a true progression. lots of children will find the digital representation of time easier to read than analogue anyway....
Lets just give it a go anyway..... Im brave enough. see tomorrow what happens ha ha

Ok time to go and lock up i think .....
the radiator is still creaking!

radiator creaking

2008-11-19T17:16:00.002Z

here I am in an empty classroom , marking work and resting my weary voice. Its been a busy but good day, we had fun manipulating photographs to create imaginary worlds , although in reality the kids did exactly what i would do when introduced to anew toy and played all afternoon.... let them get it out of their systems thats what i say...
I don't believe in setting strict guidelines for this kind of thing , they will soon learn by doing and looking at what others have created....
am loving wordle for some classroom work on adjectives , we built a lovely wordcloud together and it really helped the children see some unusual and exciting adjectives in another way...
I have a headache and a sore throat . I am worried my husband is not having a good time at work and it is stressing me out... I dont know what to say or do to make it better....

November November

2008-11-08T09:55:00.000Z

Its been a busy old week , My sister had her little girl Holly on Tuesday which is brilliant, all went well . She has a definite Strike nose . its a family trait although I don't have it , its on my dad's side . I have an interview for a job , only applied last weekend . Its a bit scary as if I get it I will move from my very familiar and comfortable job where I am now , to a new school which is bigger.and as yet I con't know anyone or what the people will be like. It is nearer to home though and I love the idea of cycling to work rather than driving for 40 mins there and getting stuck in traffic etc, plus it is time for a change.
So I have booked a very hurried haircut appointment for later on.
I am also attending my first stitch and bitch group today at the labour club , again an attempt to meet more people and do new things. I am quite into making stuff, It detracts from the fact that I have no money to buy stuff.. Although i spend a lot of time thinking what I will make , but rarely actually do it.... ha ha

here today

2008-02-15T22:20:00.000Z

Never done a blog before so here goes. Just sitting here watching ( or listening to father ted) and drinking red wine..I thought I would post a blog to log my journey through a book/course the artist's way and also to ramble on about other stuff. Its really for me , but I am happy if you wish to comment on anything I say ( as long as its polite!)